When we decide to make a life altering decision, we automatically sign up for a period of transition. The life altering decision may be one we are forced into making, or it may be our decision and ours alone. One doesn’t make such a decision unless we determine we can no longer live with the status quo. How do you know it is time to make a change? When day after day, month after month, and even year after year you feel like you are losing pieces of who you are and who you want to be. This life altering decision could be to embark upon a new career. It could also be to leave your marriage.
I recently had the chance to connect with Donna Ferber. Donna is a praticing therapist who has helped many women through transitions. Donna is currently studying a phenomena which has her interested in hearing from women like you and me. Ms. Ferber is studying a concept called ‘grey divorce.’ As she conveyed to me, “while the divorce rate in every other age group has declined, the over fifty group are choosing to leave in droves. Most of the people in this group are women, and many don’t remarry.” She is curious to understand if being part of the Baby Boomer generation is playing into this.
The women divorcing in their 50’s are women who are generally more educated and due to access to birth control, were able to make decisions concerning if and/or how many children they would have. Because of their education, women our age often entered the workforce at higher levels than the women who worked in the secretarial pools of the 1950’s and 1960’s. However, the economic freedom and the resulting independence didn’t always translate into a different relationship model. We (I include myself here) often assumed very traditional roles in our marriage, including putting the needs of others before our own. At a certain point, if the emotional investment in the marriage feels one-sided and/or you realize you have grown over the years but your partner has no interest in doing so as well, you may decide to leave and live your life on your own terms.
If you would like to be part of the study, Ms. Ferber would like to hear from you. Do you meet the following criteria? If so, please share your story with Donna Ferber on Facebook, or reach out directly and confidentially to donna@donnaferber.com:
- You are the party who chose to leave the marriage.
- You have been divorced at least one year.
- You were over fifty years old when you chose to leave.
- You have not yet remarried.
As I have said before, we are not adverse to change, we are not afraid to make life altering decisions, we are fabulous and we are strong.
