Do you remember the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” If you are over 50, you likely read this book in the early 90’s. At the time, couples used this tool to strengthen their relationships; working to understanding how men and women really are different life forms. We communicate differently, and usually interpret the exact same words in a different manner. Not being aware of (and embracing) this fact leads to frustration on Venus and on Mars.
If you are like me, the first time you realized men and women think and approach things differently was when you were a little girl and a boy made fun of you in some way. You likely cried, telling your Mom the horrible thing that little boy did. Do you remember the shock you felt when your Mom smiled and said, “Sweetheart…that just means he likes you!” What?! Dr. John Gray really got it right when he said, “The Martians and Venusian languages had the same words, but the way they were used gave different meanings.”
Recently I wondered – did we all miss something when we read this book? The lessons are written entirely in the context of our personal relationships. Lately, I have come to recognize that men and women speaking different languages also translates to the work environment. If you have (or have ever had) a male boss, have you felt like you weren’t empowered to make and carry out decisions? Have you ever felt resentful and demotivated when your successes seem to have gone unnoticed? Dr. Gray tells us: “Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed…..Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” That may seem extreme when you are talking about the dynamics within your office, but think about it.
I would love to hear if you have ever felt that your message wasn’t getting across when talking to a male colleague. I have found myself questioning my communication skills when this happens. Maybe – just maybe – it isn’t my communication skills. Maybe, I need to remember that (according to Dr. Gray) men don’t particularly like unsolicited advice whereas women seek it. If I have an idea I want to sell, I need to understand my audience and position the idea in a way that makes sense to a Martian (or Venusian).
I am currently revisiting Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and I encourage you to do so as well. I think I was 30 years old the first time I read the book. Now that I am 54 and in a long distance relationship, my husband and I are both reading the book for a second time. When you are in a LDR, communication skills are everything! My next read? In How to Get What You Want at Work, Dr. Gray specifically analyzes the ways men and women misunderstand and misinterpret each other in the workplace, and he offers practical advice on reducing unnecessary conflict and frustration. Check it out!
Keep learning, keep growing, and stay fabulous. Be strong!
