Words of Wisdom from My Grandmother

When you reach the age of 100, you earn the right to pass along a few words of wisdom to younger generations.  This weekend, four generations of my family are coming together to celebrate my grandmother’s 100th birthday.

The couple you see in the picture are my grandmother and grandfather at a night club in Greenwich Village, while on their honeymoon.  This picture was painted from a photograph taken that night, and it hangs above my grandmother’s bed. My grandparents grew up on Staten Island (NY) and met on the beach one summer.  The rest, as they say, is history.  My Papa Andy is no longer with us but Grandma tells me she stays connected with him through this picture.  She tells me she feels very lucky to have shared her life with this man.

I believe the long line of fiercely independent women in my family stems from the beliefs of my great grandparents.  While highly unusual for the time, Grandma tells me that her father always felt it was important that his three daughters find a way to support themselves.  From an early age, Grandma and her sisters were talented seamstresses.   They held jobs which varied from being secretarial in nature, to seamstress positions in  designer fashion houses in New York.  My great grandmother did not coddle the five children in the family.  As Grandma remembers, at an early age she was responsible for getting breakfast ready for her younger brothers – not always an easy task.  She would also help to get dinner started when she came home from school.  She would share her day while stirring the sauce, as her mother ironed the clothes for their family of seven.  Sewing and cooking (along with gardening later in life) would become what my Grandma calls, her “art forms.”

Looking back, Grandma tells me that there are indeed lessons learned over her life that she believes everyone should embrace:

1.  Recognize that you are responsible for your emotional well-being.  Make yourself happy – find your “art forms” and devote yourself to them.  In her 50’s she believes she was in the prime of her life: “Enjoy it.  Make the best of it.  Stay engaged, identify what makes you happy and make these things part of your life every day.”
2. Be flexible.  Can you imagine the amount of change Grandma has seen in her lifetime?  The activities that made her happy many years ago are either no longer important or because of her stage in life they are no longer an option.  So, she has found new hobbies and interests.  Being flexible also helps her get through the inevitable lonely days.  She believes we all need to recognize that there will indeed be days when you feel alone.   Simply accepting that fact will make it bearable.
3. Be optimistic.  As she says to me, “I try to be optimistic about everything, even though I know that life can be terrible at times.  I feel very fortunate that I have had a family that loved me (and still does), and a marriage I look back on with great fondness.”
4. Learn to admit when you are wrong.  Instead of trying to prove you are right, admit when you are wrong and find the inner strength to be able to apologize.  You will find your life is so much better and richer, when you aren’t holding petty grudges.
5. Be kind and forgiving.  To this day Grandma remembers when she was a little girl she lost the money her mother gave her to buy ingredients for dinner.  The shopkeeper told her to take what she needed and she could pay it back the next time.  She cried when she returned home, but her mother didn’t reprimand her.  She gave her young daughter the money again and told her to go straight to the grocer and pay him for the food.  People make mistakes, usually not intentional, and anger may be our first response.  But, when we react with love and kindness it will be remembered for many, many years.

Grandma ‘s father passed away when she was 23 years old and it hit her hard.  She says she was too young to have taken the time to thank him and tell him she loved him, and she regrets that she missed that opportunity.  So, let me say it now.  Thank you Grandma for the many lessons you have taught me over the years.  I love you.

Happy Birthday – you are fabulous!